


Rocking Horse

by WandaHoya



Series: That Grin of His [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Daydreaming, F/M, M/M, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, One-Sided Attraction, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 05:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17718680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaHoya/pseuds/WandaHoya
Summary: Something catches Tonks' attention.“It was a weird and misplaced gesture even within the context of all the touching these two old friends seemed to be doing.”Nymphadora Tonks is obsessed with Remus Lupin. It’s cute at first. Then it’s not.





	Rocking Horse

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks brilliant Remus M Lupin for the betareading! 
> 
> The title, inspiration and some quotes are taken from The Dead Weather's song Rocking Horse. See the end notes for the lyrics and a link to the song.

It was raining outside, as it had been doing for the last couple of weeks. Big, lazy raindrops drummed against the window in a mind-numbing beat. It was difficult not to give in to the compelling rhythm as the stifling drawing room of number 12 Grimmauld Place was tinted with the depressing grayness that was oozing in through the windows. Tonks had made her hair intensely pink and weirdly spiky, just to fight off the rainy scenery that tried to creep into her mood as well.

 

On the contrary to the weather, Remus Lupin was always inspiring to watch. He was intelligent  and an intriguing speaker. He was so talented, making people learn and understand, usually talking lively and captivating. Although he appeared to be so much older than he truly was, Lupin’s wits weren’t that of an old man’s; after all it was Lupin who seemed to enjoy Tonks’ childish jokes more than anyone else in the Order. He himself had a pretty wicked sense of humour too. He usually added some clever jests in his presentations. 

_ “These dark times need all the laughs that can be found,” _ he had once said. Tonks agreed wholeheartedly. She too tried to brighten others with her perky presence as often as she could. Lupin’s humour was more dark-toned and sarcastic, and together she and Remus were a great match, she judged. 

 

But today Remus Lupin spoke with such a monotonic rhythm that the dull beat of the raindrops was the perfect accompaniment to his speech. The Order of the Phoenix had gathered in the mess of a drawing room that Molly Weasley and her army of children had tidied up with their best ability in the given timetable. It was still the most dreadful room of the old house if you asked Tonks. Mostly because of the grim family tapestry that had all the ancient relatives looking condemning towards their filthy descendant that had sprang up from the scandalous marriage of her eloped mother, and all the Black family valuables that were still left there, screaming with her relatives’ obvious interference with the dark magic. She found it hard to believe that her mother had the blood of such family in her veins. To her it all felt very distant and repellent.

 

The Order meeting wasn’t about the Black family heritage though. It was concerning this certain Peter Pettigrew. The once best-friend of Sirius and Lupin and the sadly famous James Potter, whose family’s destiny Pettigrew’s actions had sealed, poor baby Harry being the sole survivor. It was the same man who had managed to bring Voldemort back only few months ago, not to mention how he had successfully framed Sirius and then hid over a decade right under Dumbledore’s nose as a ragged pet rat. It was obvious the man was very capable, and underestimating him was one of the most fatal mistakes the Order could do at this point.

 

Remus was standing before the Order in his formal robes. The fireplace behind his back was crackling, but its warmth seemed to be no match for the suppressing atmosphere the whole room felt to be dwelling in. It was no wonder that this specific topic didn’t aspire any jokes in Remus Lupin or Sirius. It was still, after almost 15 years, an unbearable tragedy for the both of them and they were still seemingly hurting. Of course in Sirius’ case the damage was in the plain sight; the years he had been languishing in Azkaban, unguilty, had left a mark. Tonks felt sorry for her cousin. She couldn’t bear to think how unhappy and misfortuned most of Sirius Black’s life had been.

 

Suddenly she snapped out of her thoughts, realizing Remus Lupin had said something that had been upsetting to him. He had interrupted his presentation and he was staring at the floor with a face that expressed he was having hard time concealing his emotions. Tonks eyed the drawing room to see the other Order members - Albus Dumbledore, Kingsley, Molly, Podmore and Mundungus Fletcher among them - give compassionate looks towards Lupin. Only Severus Snape seemed pretty indifferent and for some reason his dark eyes were fixed on Tonks.

 

Snape was someone Tonks had never sacrificed a lot of thought. He was working undercover as a double agent, and due to this they didn’t have any joined missions. Snape never ate with the Order either, so he and Tonks really didn’t spend much time together outside the meetings. Tonks frowned at Snape’s direction and tried to send a look that was asking did she have something in her face but apparently Severus Snape wasn’t a man of explanations, and without even trying to answer her glare he just turned his eyes to Lupin. Just in case Tonks wiped the corners of her mouth in her sleeve before fixing her eyes back to Remus.

 

By the time Tonks had shifted her focus back to Lupin, Sirius had appeared next to him and wrapped his arm around Lupin's shoulder, like he was trying to protect him. But of course you can’t protect anyone from their inner feelings. While one could always distinct oneself from the war in general, this was highly personal for Lupin. Tonks wished it was her instead of Sirius, reaching out to him in a comforting manner. She would have maybe wrapped  both her arms around his waist, to hold him tight and support him while he would bravely go on listing the characteristics of this dangerous man.

“You don’t have to, Moony. They can read the rest from your goddamn report,” she heard Sirius growl impatiently, although the words were meant only for Lupin. Lupin shook his head. He wanted to go through all his material.

“This is essential, Pads.”

He was so dutiful.

 

Sirius released his grip, but he stayed there, hovering just behind Lupin as Lupin collected himself and continued to review the possible options this Pettigrew had at the moment. Tonks found it hard to concentrate on his words although she knew it was important. She was just absorbing the sight of him. The way he spoke with his hands she found particularly fascinating. At least one hand was always twirling around, his fingers drawing figures in the air, like it was some mystical sign language. She couldn’t help her thoughts lingering to the one night his hand had gripped her hip and the burning sensation it had left her body. The impish grin he had flashed at her, hinting he was enjoying her flirting.

 

“I’ve done some things for the Dark Lord,” Snape interrupted abruptly, drawing Tonks’ attention to him. He was stalking towards Lupin and all the Order members had turned their eyes on him. Tonks always got provoked when Snape talked about _the_ _Dark Lord_ , as the rest of the Order had no need to address him as lord of any sort.

“Shook some evil hands, you could say. But,” he stopped right in front of Lupin and turned to face the Order,

“If we are done with this cute little lecture here I’ve got some real matters to be discussed. There’s a chance I shall take Pettigrew under my surveillance at some point.”

 

The reveal evoked some muttering and whispering among the Order members. Snape waited patiently the noise to calm down before he continued.

“The Dark Lord needs someone to keep an eye on Pettigrew - and undoubtedly he wants someone to watch over me too as it appears that for some it’s unclear where my loyalty lies.”

“Don’t tell me you have already blown your cover? Should’ve guessed,” Sirius scoffed immediately at Snape. Tonks admitted Snape was being unnecessary dramatic with his antics but now Sirius was being a jerk too. Though it wasn’t a secret that Snape and her cousin shared no warmness between them.

“No, but it seems there is always a deranged Black on my way, no matter where I turn,” Severus answered dryly measuring Sirius up with his eyes.

“You are talking about Narcissa Malfoy, right?” Podmore confirmed. But Snape shook his head.

“No, but her sister.”

_ Auntie Bellatrix _ , Tonks realized and shivered. Based on her mother’s childhood tales she was just happy she had never met the crazy woman. For a second it looked like Sirius wanted to high five Severus for calling his least favorite cousin  _ deranged  _ even though the burn was aimed at Sirius too.

“But the Lestranges are still in Azkaban, how is it possible..?” Kingsley interjected. Snape turned towards him with a somewhat mocking smile on his lips.

“Azkaban is no longer under the command of Cornelius Fudge. Prepare for the worst.”

 

A long silence followed as everyone seemed to be sucking in Snape’s words. Finally Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“Obviously the situation has advanced more quickly than we anticipated,” he said uncharastically apprehensively. Snape nodded and continued:

“I think we can discuss about it later...with a bit smaller party.” Snape eyed Mundungus like he was something the cat had brought in.

“I agree,” Dumbledore concurred standing briskly up from his seat,

“But it is vital that we can get your eyes on Pettigrew. He has played a major part in the past events, twice already.”

“We’ll slaughter Peter and there shall be no parts for him to play then,” Sirius said fiercely behind Remus’ back, clenching his fist. It appeared Sirius too knew how to be dramatic. 

“Your revenge to your friend is not the essence here,” Snape argued turning towards Sirius.   
“Oh but it’s justice,” Sirius bellowed, looking like he could assail Snape for objecting him in the matter. Tonks was sucking in all the drama happening right in front of her eyes. 

“And he’s a  _ friend _ I only want to destroy!”

“Sirius,” Lupin said with a thrilling strict tone that made Tonks startle. The way he spoke out just that one word made everyone in the room aware that although being the mild-mannered, friendly and supportive bloke he was, he was also a leader and capable of taking the command if that was what was needed from him. She personally would let Lupin order her around anytime. With that voice he could just tell her to drop her pants immediately and bend over the nearest table, legs open and she would be happy to obey. She blushed when she realized where her vivid imagination had led her thoughts and she started to fan herself with her hand. Sirius’ loudness brought her back to the meeting with a boom. 

“...and if you would’ve let me finish Wormy in the Shack he wouldn’t have been able to --” 

“Pads, you can’t jump into assumption only based on how things are!”

“Don’t waste your breath with that one, Lupin,” Snape interrupted their argument, gesturing towards Sirius with his hand,

“With Black it’s always a back-and-forth debate,” his thin lips twisted into that mocking smile again,

“Reminds me of a rocking horse. Never actually getting anywhere.”

 

_ Ouch _ , Tonks thought. It was a low hit from Snape. It was horrible for her cousin not be able to go out on the missions and contribute the way he would’ve wanted to. Snape making mockery out of his distress was unnecessary.

“Enough,” Dumbledore said as Remus, like reading his friends thoughts, clung onto Sirius’ chest right before he had the chance to charge towards Snape. Sirius body was seemingly tensed and he was clenching his fists. 

“We’ll continue later. Thank you for the meeting and thank you Remus for walking us through this complex person you once knew so well. Severus, Remus, Kingsley - may I ask you to join me in the study? Immediately, if you will.”

 

As soon as Dumbledore had declared the meeting over, the other Order members left the drawing room quickly, probably eager to get out of the ominous stuffy house that had a certain weird baneful tone in its ambiance. Only Tonks, Sirius and Remus stayed in the drawing room. Remus was gathering his things and Tonks was pretending to be fixing her pink spikes, hoping Sirius would storm off so that she could be able to catch Lupin alone and exchange a word or two with him. When she glanced towards them she saw Sirius still there with Remus. They were standing face to face, Remus talking something to Sirius and Sirius listening to him while looking sullenly at the floor. She saw Remus place his hand on Sirius’ cheek and Sirius lift his eyes to meet Remus’. Tonks furrowed his brows and continued to watch the two men. Sirius grabbed Remus’ wrist. It wasn’t an aggressive, rejecting manner, but more of affectionate, clingy style of hold. Remus whispered something to Sirius’ ear, his voice so low Tonks wasn’t able to hear it but she saw her cousin nod and flash a sweet, soft smile at Lupin. Then Lupin smiled back at him and grabbed Sirius’ chin between his fingers. It was a weird and misplaced gesture even within the context of all the touching these two old friends seemed to be doing. It lasted only for a very brief moment before Remus hurried out of the drawing room. And when Tonks turned her surprised eyes after Remus, she saw Snape standing in the doorway, his gloating eyes turned towards her.

**Author's Note:**

> Rocking Horse by The Dead Weather  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/3vn8g6hJ79iFaklxTH6FKe?si=6kYnKWTiS8OOpnDqrkpvIg)  
> [AZLyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/deadweather/rockinghorse.html)


End file.
